end of 2014

I hoped someday I would style and shape and form
a life I'd only dreamed of
but as it is,
I've only fizzed
and the life I'd dreamed of
was dissed.

But make it known, I've been reborn,
and all my dreams became One;
to know my Lord
and see His face in my daily
existence.

welcome to the draft

I have been called to duty. I have been saved, loved, held, washed clean and given a new heart. Now I stand up and testify. Is this any different than a man who preaches, teaches, pastors, leads?
OH, But I am a woman. Is my testimony flawed? Is there a reason to deny me the joy of sharing my experiences with the Holy Spirit?
Oh, sure, but only to other women, or children. Not in front of men.
Who would believe that this is reasonable?

Suffice It Tomorrow

People like me take the hardest route. Maybe because the payoff just isn't worth it unless someone has given their pound of flesh.
This time, though, I say the pounding has been done and no more.

Give us this day, our daily bread.

Your life... my contentment.

Thank you.

the new 16

61 is the new 16

A New Year

You don't live in time, do You?
Ageless One, You prevail. Amen

What Have I Done

where are You?

Your Visit

You came at just the right time, when
in worship, we knew we wanted to see you.

we knew if we pressed in a little more,
you would show up.

we knew because you've never let us down.

and we were hungry, we were thirsty, we were desperate.

And there You were. Spirit of Life. Sweet love's desire.
Holy Fire!

And here you are.

Praise

You are my Hope
my Sanctification, my Justification
my Jubilation!

You are my Life,
falling down, I worship you.
Staying in Your presence
is my desire

Holy Fire

Tend the coals of my heart's true
treasure
Untold Glories, Unimaginable Measure!

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

Clouds of Witness

Oh cumulus beauty towering in the firmament above
whitened beyond earths' comprehension

Sanctification stands before me
in my unwashed and drunken state

Oh, Witnesses of His Glory!
How is it that you are revealed to me now?

Broken and ashamed, your faithfulness
contrasts my weakness

by the infinite measure of love
cast aside for the paltry and despicable
flesh

believing a lie, that Hope had washed ashore
after the wreckage of my dreams
the dog returned.

Oh Cloud of Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
who faithfully gave it all,
how beautiful you are.

Saints in the Halls of Heaven, not statues
of marbled stone, cold and shaped by man,
but hearts of fire, fueled by the Love of Him
who gave His Life freely,
the Rocks, the Church, His Bride.

My vision, my souls answer in it's inevitable search
for Beauty and Purpose, you stand before me

and I say yes, I want to join you, I want to be one
who stands for Him.

I know I am not worthy and I know I do not deserve this
call to Grace, but I am desperate for Him
and will do whatever it takes

to be called His friend and yours.

While Japan Drowns

Magnitudes of numbers
seismic scales
people's wails

Silent brooding thunder
of earth moving under

and still it moves
like a fire breathing monster
underneath the oceans floor
stealing peace, wanting more

O Holy Rock You do not move
You hold us still
We pray for our brothers and sisters

in the land called Japan
but it is your land, your beloved ones
are calling to you now.

I can hear them, silent shock
why me? why now? why?

Redeemer, keep your promise
Never to leave us.

Keep your promise
never to forsake those
who trust in You.

Coming of Age

I've not a glorious life to see
looking at chaos is looking at me.

but somewhere inside, along with fear,
lust, ambition and pride

there You are! My King, My Lord,
and here am I, your bride.

not attired in robes of shame,
folds of brokenness and veils
of tears,

but wrapped in thanksgiving and praise
I saw your Glory. I see your Face.

I kneel in adoration of such a magnificent
embrace.

silently, Your presence, Living Peace
creates a world unknown,
yet familiar to me

as if I have been looking ever since
I breathed in the first air of my existence

Your Spirit, Your Life in me, like the deer
panting for water, stay near, stay near
Heavenly Father.

One With The Son

Won't you make us one, as you with the Father
Make us one
Make us one

Saving Grace

Little is the word that comes to mind
when i think of my own understanding

of your Greatness,

a little here, a little there,
as it has been written, 'we know in part'

but then!

We shall see face to Face, all of your Mercy
and all of your Grace!

For now, the little, the part, the shadow, the tinge, the hue
the threads that speak of You,

are enough to make my heart explode, my praise to rise up like
bubbles of joy in a spring unleashed from miles of prison rock,
piles upon piles of shame, sin and unjust deeds gone insane.

Holy Truth! You are my desire, my hope for living in the Light.
Holy Word, speak now to who I am, for you have become my delight,

I now know that which I sought to unleash the pain, through anger
or material gain or salve of drug or alcohol,
only pushed the truth away. Let me stay, let me stand, let me pray.

Holy One. You alone are worthy of my Praise.

Thank you.

Believing

Believing is not seeing, believing is living
breathing, catching the wind of the Spirit
and holding on for dear life.

Believing is trusting. Trusting that the One
who holds you aloft will not let you fall.

Trusting is loving. Loving His every Word.
He is the Word. Imagine that.

Loving is believing. Loving is trusting.
Loving is never being alone, having your best friend
at the flick of a humble heart.

Sometimes

Just to say I trust You
Just to mention how much I love You
Is all I can do.

You are worthy of all my praise,
my heart wants to know nothing more
than You.

Bless the Lord, O my soul!

Manifold

Oh the manifold wisdom and billows of love
Filling the universe more than full, overflowing
Measurement of grace and truth
The hem of your garment
Earth….. your footstool!

Stretched but limitless in depth and mercy
Oh, your mercy!

(falls on the ground and feels the earth give way
Flying through the heavens, into Love’s mysteries
Unfolding, simply, just to say, I love you!)

Manifold Love, Breath of Life
Burrowed into Your presence
Je te’ Adore
Resting, releasing,
Lord of Shavuot

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord!

Seraphim rejoicing, calling out
To come
to the Wedding
Relationship with the Son.

Married to His power
Overwhelmed once again,
Amazed beyond understanding
Grace has covered sin.


Grace has covered sin!
Freedom, O taste and see
That the Lord is Good
Let Mercy cover me.

Manifold, beyond the dimension
Of my sight, you are the
Joy that shines in darkened night

You reign in heavens place
And fill the humbled earth
With your Mercy
And Your Grace!

Why oh Why

Why oh Why do I moan
from day to day?
Is it too much to ask
that a joy remain, to stay?

I know you love me, Father
you are true,
why do I still hesitate
to trust in You?

Why oh Why does my heart
skip Your beat
and seek to find my own
why oh why do I moan?

(I'm moaning now)

Moses moaned, I am not he
I have seen the Christ,
alive in me
oh, set me free!

Release Your Promise
the nectar of Your Presence
the comfort of Your Spirit
My Portion! Let me see!

Oh sweet Saviour, it is You
My heart's desire, sweet
and full of Grace and Truth
ah, it is Your heartbeat.

Amen

hope looks like...

what does hope look like?

waves of joy
that carry me swiftly to a destination
that I could not have imagined.
not in a million, zillion years.

tears of joy
at the thought that once the tears
were spent on broken hearted sobs
that spewed from deep within, a pain
I never could have imagined
not in a million, zillion years.

my hope is in you, Lord
and I know you will never leave me
or forsake me
through the joy, the pain and
not in a million, zillion years.

2

Oh, my. How quickly the year went by.
Have I nothing to say about you, Father?
No way.
This year has seen a change in me
a quiet growing of my trust.
A year of tumultuous victory
a year of setting something free.

I cannot write it out for now,
it waits for a touch from Thee.

what next

there is a lull it seems
in constant pain and hopeless dreams
there is a lull sometimes
when nothing moves
and nothing rhymes

and in this void of movement
in this waveless sea
like a puppet hanging limp
fear stalks the likes of me

I am no longer screaming
my voice has lost it's shrill
the quiet cloud of waiting
descends and I am still

I sigh with anticipation
I cannot stand the wait
here comes the condemnation,
self-loathing and self-hate.

where and why and how
is a mystery to me
all I know is that alone
death appears and beckons me

i hang my head; pain and I agree

but wait, as they say, there's more
i am alive it seems
something deeper still is stirred
and makes it's way upfront

hope! but why, based on what?
hope! remember it is said?
that when you drink the grape juice
and eat the matzah bread?

there's hope in every piercing
hope in every mark
hope in blood soaked broken flesh
where your death is parked

oh blessed hope, oh happy day
I remember now, He washed my sins away!
and now as i sit still and wait
it's love that finds His way

and blessed quiet, heart aglow
while waves of love renew
the simple gift of your life in me
and the joy of loving You!